We owe it to ourselves to have healthy relationships. Sometimes it is difficult with family members, but we have to choose what we can take in in order to be healthy ourselves.
May
17
May
17
Jan
06
May
08
HAPPY MOTHERS’ DAY
Psychologists linked children’s behavior with their upbringing and how they were treated by their mothers. This could be partially true, but I also know that there are good, hard working mothers who would do/did anything/everything for their children to be the best in the world. My own mother did her best. I hope that those mothers who felt that they failed their children can look back and see some good they did. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!
Jan
31
Family Feud
For those of you who watched ‘The Golden Girls’ there was an episode when Dorothy invited her aunt from Sicily as a surprise visit as a birthday for her mother. The two women said some nasty things to each other because of betrayal that took place over thirty years ago. Finally, they got to talk and learned that someone else leaked the information. In families, people can disagree without discussing what the probem is and go on for years for something that can be sorted over, overnight. My hope is that families can agree to disagree, but also find time to talk things over. Good mental health everyone!
Jan
26
Lack of Commitment in Marriage
“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge”. (Hebrews 13:4, New King James Version).
More and more people today are living together as a couple before marriage and having children with no commitment to marriage. There various reasons and assumptions:
• Lack of commitment
• Fear of commitment
• Tax shirking
• Testing the waters
• The world has changed
Seeing a therapist or a clergy is a good start.
Jan
01
Dec
30
How Many Times Can We Forgive Others – 70×7?
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Mathew 18:21-22 – NIV). “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you (Colossians 3:13 – NIV).
Oxford English dictionary – defines forgiveness as ‘to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt’. Wikipedia defines Forgiveness as the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and/or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. Forgiveness can be a conscious choice or an emotional state, however, forgiveness is a choice we all make through a decision of our will, as motivated by obedience to God and command to forgive.
Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended us may always remain a part of our lives, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on us and help us focus on other, positive parts of our lives. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt us.
The benefits of forgiveness:
1. Healthier relationships
2. Greater spiritual and psychological well being
3. Less stress and hostility
4. Lowers blood pressure
5. Less sleep disturbance
Whatever your reason to forgive or not forgive, at the end of the day we are all accountable for our actions – emotionally, spiritually, psychically and psychologically. Remember, forgiveness is medicine to the bone.
Sources:Wikipedia, the Bible and Mayo Clinic
Dec
27
A Dysfunctional Family and How Does it Lead to Co-dependency?
Christmas 2010 is behind us now. Many family members gathered together and had a marvelous time, other family members had issues to deal with and probably avoided getting together altogether. Whatever the circumstances, dealing with issues in the family is the first step to a healthy relationship(s). As you read this, you may identify with some characteristics in your own family. A dysfunctional family is one in which members suffer from fear, anger, pain, or shame that is ignored or denied. Underlying problems may include any of the following:
• An addiction by a family member to drugs, alcohol, relationships, work, food, sex, or gambling.
• The existence of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.
• The presence of a family member suffering from a chronic mental or physical illness.
Dysfunctional families do not acknowledge that problems exist. They don’t talk about them or confront them. As a result, family members learn to repress emotions and disregard their own needs. They become “survivors.” They develop behaviors that help them deny, ignore, or avoid difficult emotions. They detach themselves. They don’t talk. They don’t touch. They don’t confront. They don’t feel. They don’t trust. The identity and emotional development of the members of a dysfunctional family are often inhibited
Attention and energy focus on the family member who is ill or addicted. The co-dependent person typically sacrifices his or her needs to take care of a person who is sick. When co-dependents place other people’s health, welfare and safety before their own, they can lose contact with their own needs, desires, and sense of self.
Source:http://www.coda.org/
Dec
22
Characteristics of Co-dependent People:
It is during the holidays that the true family characters come out. Christmas is two days away and probably it would be a good idea to take a look at the following characteristics of co-dependent as see if you can identify with few or all.
- An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
- A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
- A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
- A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
- An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
- An extreme need for approval and recognition
- A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
- A compelling need to control others
- Lack of trust in self and/or others
- Fear of being abandoned or alone
- Difficulty identifying feelings
- Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
- Problems with intimacy/boundaries
- Chronic anger
- Lying/dishonesty
- Poor communications
- Difficulty making decisions
Source:: http://www.coda.org/
